Hey! For something different I thought I might post some things you may not have known about me. Ok so this is boring mundane crap… but also just who I am! Yes, I am really boring and mundane in my regular life sometimes. I don’t live the life of a sex goddess damn it. I have to make some changes I guess

I am a huge Howard Stern fan, I listen everyday and am a superfan.
I’m an animal lover, I volunteer my time and money to donate to shelters.
I am a purse addict. I buy a new purse for every season, and they are all black.
I am a Star Wars geek, and I beat everyone at any Trivia game on it.
I love odd and unusual collectibles, and I have many weird collections.
I am not squeamish, and I like scary movies.
My favorite place to be is the beach.
I love pizza and beer.
I drive an SUV and I like to drive too fast.
I do yoga daily both in the morning and at night.
My favorite season is Autumn.
My favorite holiday is Halloween and I love to dress up for it.
I like Guy Movies better then Chick Flicks.
I hate it when a guy sends me flowers.
I would make a crappy housewife because I hate to clean.
My favorite meal of the day is breakfast.
I love Italian Food and my favorite is Gnocci.
My perfect date is … dinner, movie, drinks, and sex. In that order.
I am attracted to a man’s hands.
I have an extensive education and a vast amount of common sense.
It’s difficult for anyone to lie to me without me catching them.
I have a cynical side and my trust is earned.
I have a warped and twisted sense of humor.
I find humor in many inappropriate things and laugh at things that make others cringe.
I am witty and sarcastic but always in a fun way.
I often say what I think bluntly, and some people do not appreciate it.
I have a very deep fear of drowning.
I dislike people who are “too nice and sugary” because I find it to be very false.
I’m laid back and rarely “seek” to be the center of attention.
I am confidant without arrogance.
It is hard for me to accept compliments or gifts.
I have a shy side in large groups of people.
I really hate crowds, I will deal with it but get impatient.
I swear like a drunken sailor and love to find new ways to curse.
I am gentle and very sweet.
I have a well rounded education and am well traveled.
I was once told that I have a very high degree of ethics and character.
I flirt with everyone, even women or grandmothers.
I keep my friends for years and years.
I love phone sex and love what I do!

Ok I hope this cracks you up as much as it does me. First of all I am a fan of parody, and I am from the pop culture generation. So if you are a pervert and happen to have these things in common with me, then you’ll truly appreciate the humor.

The Brady Bunch goes XXX rated. I kid you not. You can even see the trailer here:

I LOVE the song. OMG I was laughing my ass off!

Here is the movie’s description: Facing financial woes, Mike & Carol put the family on a budget. The kids take odd jobs to help save their house from bank foreclosure, but when Marcia unwittingly applies for a job as a “figure” model, wild fun and sexual mayhem ensue when she discovers she’s about to star in a “porn movie”!

Now if you are as demented as me and need to see this… you can rent it online, or own it by clicking here –> Not the Bradys XXX

Yes I downloaded it to own… I am sick and twisted.

You Are Thong Panties

Woman, you are one hell of a ride! You’re a total wild child - and you live for crazy times. Men are attracted to you like flies to honey, even though they know they should stay away. You need a expert cowboy who can keep in tune with your free spirit!

Here are 25 Things Lynnea Wants you to Know about Phone Sex and Phone Sex Girls.

Phone sex requires 2 people.

Masturbation is always more fun when it’s shared.

Orgasms don’t cum with guarantees.

Communication is a two way street.

Whispering is sexy.

Pushiness turns me off.

Some fantasies are best left to be just talk.

The more mutual you make it, the more you make me hot.

A few minutes spent on “getting to know you time” makes things more personal.

Laughing after an orgasm makes both parties more comfortable.

Dirty talk is taboo, saying the words out loud in mixed company is hot.

Flirtation is arousing.

Being yourself with me is more natural and more appealing.

Dead silent is dead boring.

The easiest way to turn me on is to show an interest in me.

We’re not all dumb uneducated chicks. Some of us are possibly smarter then you.

What we do for real sexually and on the phone may be “different”.

We like most callers.

Longer calls are always better then shorter ones.

We know you talk to all of us.

We’d like to know more about you as a real person.

We don’t love every fantasy but we do enjoy a challenge.

Being direct will get better results.

Listening to a man jack off is naughty.

We know it’s not really 10 inches.

Join the PhoneFlirts Newsletter! Lynnea will send out updates, or occasional info that you’ll want to know!

Subscribe to PhoneFlirts Email:

I stumbled across this link from some forum and thought it was pretty cute! It’s just one of those freebies on the internet that can make you smile. I am wondering if it can give you a stiffy though. So click on the banner and listen to a sexy voice moan out your computer’s IP address.
Enjoy

Good thing Phone Flirts aren’t automated. I got a hoot out of this.

Well it’s that time of year again, when the weather warms up… the sun comes out… and much less clothing is worn! It’s also time to plan my usual beach vacation! This year I have rented an immaculate house that is directly on the beach and includes a hot tub. I have spent an obscene amount of money on it. Business has been pretty good – what can I say?

I am now ready for the shopping excursion to get all new clothes for it. I am bikini obsessed and like to have at least 7 at all times so I have a different one for each day. Each summer I purchase a new one, and retire one. This year I’m retiring a cute little purple one and I’ll try to replace it this weekend.

I love the way a bikini feels against my skin, and more importantly I love the attention I get from it. In real life I am somewhat normal – if you can believe that! I am not mega-slut for real, just on the internet lol. But I do love to see men inappropriately watching me when I am in my bikini. Wearing a bikini is almost like being naked in public and that appeals to my personal fantasy.

I always had what I have called my slight exhibitionist desire. I like the idea of sex in public and being watched, or being seen naked etc. Wearing a bikini is close to it, without breaking a law lol. In some ways I like the tease of it even more then full exposure. I can remember laying out in the sun on the beach about 2 years ago and some couple I didn’t know were nearby. The angle at which they were sitting allowed the husband (or boyfriend, whatever he was) to have a clear shot of my bikini crotch if I dared to open my legs. I’m sure you can guess that I did. I had to see if he noticed, and once I knew he noticed I didn’t do it again. I liked the idea of giving him a “little” and then taking it away.

Maybe this year I will “accidentally” flash some nipple slip to some poor unsuspecting husband. In any case… I cannot wait to get into my bikini, on the beach, and be a tease. Life is hard when your main focus is men. Poor poor me.

What happens on a phone sex call after you get off? Do you hang up? Does it feel all awkward? Does an operator or any girl typically know what to say to you after you’ve cum?

I encounter all types of callers with different reactions. I have some guys who have called me for years and still hang up on me the second they are finished lol. Maybe they don’t want to linger so they can get cleaned up. Maybe they are in a hurry. Maybe it is “dirtier” that way! Sort of like picking a chick up in a bar and fucking her senseless and then kicking her out the minute you’ve cum lol!

I have some callers who obviously feel some sense of shame after. They almost behave like they are embarrassed. I’m sure not, but they seem to be. I have some callers who are less than embarrassed but maybe just don’t know what to say after.

I even know many operators who seem to clam up or feel some of the mentioned ways. I’ve known of girls in this business that actually get pissed off because a guy just hangs up. I always felt like it’s your call, you can end it how you want so it’s never offended me as a person. But I do think also that there is an after phone sex protocol that is almost no different then having real sex.

It’s a very private, real, and personal thing to share your orgasm with me. The least I can do is try to make you laugh after to release the tension of all that blood flow returning to your brain again. I guess we can’t cuddle after but we can be sweet to each other, or chitchat about something normal for a few minutes. Also releases that tension of returning blood flow. Sometimes the nicest thing a guy says to me is simply “thank you”. I’m not a rocket scientist, I am not making a major contribution to the world… but the thank you is always really nice to hear

I’ve been asked by many callers what I think about during masturbation. I thought I’d talk a little about my desires and how I masturbate to them. Ok granted the whole subject could be a book in, and of itself LOL.

One thing I’ve learned from being a phone sex operator is that every fantasy is a bit different with a different person. Real sex is too of cource. I don’t find that I have one single favorite phone fantasy… I think a lot depends upon the chemistry that you develop with one another. It all depends on how you “connect” to the other person, it’s that chemistry that makes real sex or phone sex really good. But fantasies are fun, and it’s a way you always get to use your imagination and creativity. It’s like being a sex artist!

To share a fantasy with another person we have to rely mainly upon how well we can verbalize them. It’s always been hard for me to describe my fantasies as a full blown story with a beginning, middle, and ending. I do have some like that, but the majority are not.

Speaking for myself, I know that when I masturbate totally alone that it’s usually incoherent images in my head. I can jump from one image to another with no immediate theme to it. Sometimes it’s a past partner I think of, or maybe some guy I saw at the mall. I tend to most often think of the sex act itself. It usually doesn’t have a “back story” to it.

Or often when I masturbate I focus on the physical parts, namely mine. I look at my pussy in a mirror for instance and try to imagine how it looks to someone else. So of course I want to watch while I finger it… even imagine the taste and scent to someone else too. As I touch myself, I might be thinking about how someone else would touch me the same way etc.

Masturbation is kind of a selfish thing, not in a bad way mind you. It’s cool that we have the capability to take care of things ourselves, to settle our own urges. It can also be cool sometimes to not worry about pleasing a partner too. You can just lie back, and go for it.

To me it’s also always been a cool thing to share a “masturbation” experience. I mean, let’s just admit it…. We aren’t sharing it with everyone we know. To talk openly about it is a bit taboo. I guess that’s why I run my own phone sex service one of the things that drew me to the business! But then again, I’m just a horny naughty thing too hehe.

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There is a philosophy in the phone sex industry that “you get what you pay for”. You have heard that before no doubt when it refers to clothes, appliances and name brand products verses “generic store brands”.

The main difference in the phone sex industry is “name brands” do not really exist. Hell, I think Phone Flirts is one of the VERY few sites on the net that has a Trademark even which makes it a helluva lot closer to what a name brand is. Most sites use a generic name to describe their product so it really can’t be held against a main stream market and the definition of what a name brand is. So to say “you get what you pay for” doesn’t really apply either.

This all puts phone sex into a different category and therefore I never was sold on the “you get what you pay for” bandwagon. Let’s face it…. The bottom line is you want choices. Sometimes you may not mind paying a higher price and sometimes your budget is more limited. In the end for a guy that wants phone sex and enjoys a good fantasy – you ultimately just want choices and variety.

So let me give you some choices my dear horny fellows:

For Cheap Phone Sex just call 1-800-972-LYNN and pay only $13.93 for 7 minutes with live amateur sluts that work from their homes. I’ve hand selected some of these flirts! In addition to getting cheap rates you get variety and 24 hour service. Now that’s what I call cheap phone sex!

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Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone. - David Letterman

I have this girlfriend and for her privacy I’m going to call her “asswipe”…. hehe mainly because that’s what we call one another the minute we can catch the other doing something “ditzy”. You know I have always gotten along best with chicks that form better bonds with men over other girls. Rarely do I have a lot of girlfriends at once, never did, I always got along better with guys.

Now mind you, I am feminine… I am not a bully type of personality chick that people look at and wonder if I am a lesbian. You know the stereotype right? (joke) No, I am very feminine; however, my personality is more blunt, and often times other girls can’t handle the things I say. I am not one of those girls that tells her friend she looks great in blue if she looks like hell in it. Of if her boyfriend sucks then I say it. Girls hate that! I can’t help it! But it’s cool because I expect to be told the truth back.

So “asswipe” and I have this great friendship because she is a lot like me, never really enjoying the company of other females much. We’re not into talking about weddings, baby showers, and keeping up with the neighbors. In fact we laugh a hell of a lot and I think it’s because we just have a more crude sense of humor.

“Asswipe” actually doesn’t live near me boohoo… but we are planning this visit where she is going to come for a week and stay at my place early this summer. I am so looking forward to it because the weather is finally getting better around here to where you can take advantage of outdoor activities. I am not talking about planting flowers (like typical girls might) … I am talking about field parties with loads of drinking hehe.

I keep trying to talk “asswipe” into doing some calls with me. She’s remaining shy about it at this point, but I am going to keep up the pressure. (I hope she is not reading this and discovering my plot). If I can convince her… there could be lots of personal benefits involved….. all of them kinda lesbian-ish.

Hello you horny boys! I’ve been working my behind off a lot lately! I’m actually expanding the service… growing things and adding lots of new operators. I will eventually have girls for everyone’s “taste”. Right now I am so busy hiring them and training… that it doesn’t leave much time for me. But that won’t last long hehe. If you’d like to check out the ones I have recently added… go to this link Phone Sex Girls

I hope everyone faired well with their taxes! I am an early bird and have mine always done by Feb 15th. My accountant loves me and told me I am the MOST organized client he has… he suggested I teach a course in it lol. I wonder if he was just flirting with me.

On to the dirty parts! One of my cute shy guys called me bright and early this morning. I do love the shy ones! We talk a little, tease a little, flirt a lot… and then we get comfortable. For those of you reading this who didn’t know… comfortable means NAKED. He is usually so shy it’s almost like he is afraid to say something dirty before I do. I guess I don’t mind, it just allows me to take the reins then and lead him into dark moist places…namely mine. I adore his sounds… so quiet yet breathy. It’s a huge turn on for me to hear how different men sound when they masturbate.

I’m a thinker, a studier. And everything I do in life is very deliberate. I don’t make impulsive decisions, I don’t make foolish choices because I mentally plan my actions out carefully weighing all the options. This includes sex too.

Sure impulsive animalist raw power banging is awesome. I love it like that sometimes. But I normally prefer something slow, intentional, long, drawn out, and going to the brink of no return without fully ending things. I like a sex session to take a while. I like phone sex where we communicate, and ease into each stroke with a building intensity. I am a pleasure seeker… in all ways.

My shy morning guy and me did it slow today. Sometimes we do not have to say much for a few minutes. His breathing works on me the same way mine must be working on him. The sounds of masturbation can seem so… well, dirty. It must be because no one is supposed to HEAR them. I dunno, I just know it’s exciting to me. Hearing soft little wimpers, heavy hard breaths, tiny little gasps…. gets my juices flowing. During my call today we let it build up with just our sounds, we speak and it releases a little, and then we go right back to the breathy build up. Nothing like a fresh morning orgasm to start the day off right!

It’s crazy isn’t it? Writing a diary entry can be relieving, it can make me organize my thoughts better…. And it can totally turn me on too.

I have one caller with a very simple fantasy… cumming on a girls face. He called me today as he does often. Usually we set up our themes, our scenarios, and then roleplay them. I am his bitchy girlfriend and I am sick to death of his jerkin’ off habits. He follows me all over the house when I try to do everyday things while he splats a wad on my face. Like maybe I am talking on the telephone to my girlfriend and he shocks me with a sperm “pie” in the face for example.

The thing that is great about “R” is that we can laugh, we crack jokes, we exaggerate the roleplay, and crack up together the whole time. It’s cool when you can click in that way with someone. I support fun phone sex lol. I support humor.

“R” is extremely easy to please which is always a nice quality… but sometimes I like to see just how easy he is. On today’s call we decided that my female friend from work would be coming over for a quick lunch meeting with me. Of course there is my fantasy boyfriend with the nasty masturbation habit rubbing one out while I complain he is too much of a pervert. “R” laughs and laughs. I tell him …. “quick get out of here and do that in the bathroom like a normal man before my very innocent friend shows up”. He protests, he selfishly flings cum on my face. I act appalled. We laugh again. The doorbell rings. Oh my goodness I am in a panic because my sweet friend from work will be shocked at how kinky my man is. I open the door to let her in………

“R” is laughing and laughing with his normal enthusiasm and slapping away at his cock with intensity. I hear it “whack whack whack” in the background. He says, “Lynn… tell me what your friend is wearing”………..

I decide to find out just HOW easy “R” is to please now. We’ve known each other for about 2 years, we click, we have fun. I say…… “she’s dressed like Grimace… the purple guy from McDonalds”. (Ok queer but I wanted to see his reaction)

After “R” quit laughing hysterically… never missing a stroke….. he said “Ok cool… can she remove the mask though so I can squirt her in the face”?

I said….. “of course she can silly”. And so she did.

So my boyfriend and I will be celebrating our little anniversary this weekend. Its 2 years and counting. We have a nice solid mature relationship. I can count the arguments we’ve had and he’s never so much as raised his voice to me. We’ve got a lot in common. He’s great to me, I am the perfect little minx at home and the proper lady in front if friends. I’d say I was a lady in public… however, that’s not always true.

Take this past Saturday night for example; Saturday my man was busy with his work so I rang up the gal pal to hit up our favorite little drinking spot. I didn’t have to twist her arm… her hubby was on her nerves because he’s a lot more conservative than she is. She accepted my invitation with excitement. When we get together… there is trouble. Or at least usually Karaoke. Anyway….

I picked her up in my car and we drove to our place. Fixed our lipstick, got our drinks. My little admirer was there of course, a 21 year old college boy with great eyes and a perfect smile. He’s so damn cute and shy – just the way I like ‘em… which means he is corruptible. We’ve had this on going flirtation for quite awhile now and he is still too shy to blatantly hit on me. That’s cool, I’m a taken woman (I keep reminding myself) and I love a good tease. So that’s what I do… flirt and tease…. And almost dare him to make a move.

Did you ever drink Kamakazies? Oh my goodness they do go down smooth and easy. I like to drink, but I am not good at it and don’t do it often enough to have a good tolerance. Now my girlfriend on the other hand may have the goal of becoming a raging alcoholic… she can drink any guy under the table. In other words… soon we were dancing, singing loudly, falling over the place. You get the picture right?

Lucky for me I have my little admirer; he tries to keep me in line by being very protective. I think I freak him out a little because he is so shy. He was chasing me all over the place cleaning up the mess I kept making by spilling my drinks everywhere. Eventually it was time to slow it down, chill out, and sober up to drive home later.

I was a good girl yet again damn it. This guy is so sweet; I know I could take him home one night and totally do obscene things to him. He’s younger than me and I have this fantasy of being the “older woman” teaching the young anxious virginal guy. Anyway he is always so disappointed when I leave the bar. He looks so cute, like a little puppy dog with sad eyes. He knows I am involved with someone, so he’s always well mannered and polite.

When I got home I was in the horny state from all my flirtations and adding alcohol to my system just brings out my natural animal. I fucked my man silly and thought about my boy toy left at the bar who was probably home by now jerking off and thinking about me. At least that’s my hope. Maybe I’ll ask him next time I see him.

I figured I had better get on the ball and post to my diary. It’s been a busy new year for me, but it’s all good!

I am busy making some plans with my best girlfriend. We’ve decided to say “fuck the men” for one weekend in April and just plan our own personal little get-a-way. She’s married so I guess her guy is on her nerves a little, mine really isn’t… but it’s still good to get out with your pals and party down once in a while. You have to refresh yourself sometimes and I like to do that often.

I’ve talked to a lot of new callers lately. One yesterday told me the site is the best he has ever seen. He also said he took some time to read my blog and appreciated that I was just down to earth. That’s cool… I like to think I am down to earth.

Another guy I talked to recently said he was EXTREMELY shy. I like that so I told him it was okay with me. The funny thing about shy callers is they usually warm up to me pretty quickly and easily. See… if you hadn’t noticed I am NOT shy lol…so I am not afraid to talk, or do most of the talking or leading. This guy warmed up quite nicely… he got comfortable or used to me and started to open up. The next thing you know and equal amount of dirty talking was flowing smoothly.

The moral of this story is this… sure you may be a little shy. In real life I can be occasionally too. (Though my friends may tell you different). Good phone sex works best if you just relax…. Ahhh big sigh. I take my time with shy guys… I won’t jump right in and sound like some phone sex commercial spewing forth moans and grunts. Nope, I am capable of a conversation and furthermore I WANT to interact a little bit with you. The best phone sex is always with someone you like… someone you feel comfortable with… hence the title of this post.

So I went to the local salon yesterday evening. I don’t normally leave during my work schedule but since the holidays are falling on weekends this year I had no choice. I got my eyebrows waxed. I got my nails done. I got my toenails done. I got my hair highlighted just a touch.

Two weeks ago I got a new outfit. I got it at Victoria’s Secret, and yes they sell more than just lingerie. I got a cute form fitted sweater with a v-neck that criss crosses. It’s ALMOST off my shoulders and the color is passion pink lol. I got a pair of stretchy tight fitting jeans that sit low on my waist.

I did all this for New Years Eve – a time in which I intend to party my little heiny off. I will go out with some of my very best friends to drink shitloads of beer and shake my booty. I am a beer girl through and through…I do like Vodka but I don’t drink those foofoo sissy girlie drinks with umbrellas or fruit. I don’t drink often anymore, but when I do I pretty much wanna get wasted.

I’m a conservative type of person in general until you really get to know me. Maybe reserved is a better choice of words. But once you get to know me my wit comes across much clearer and so forth. I’m very ladylike I guess and well mannered in public for instance. But when I drink – I tend to totally drop my guard.

My best girlfriend and I drink alike. Does that make sense? Let me explain better. We grew up together, we learned to drink together, to sneak out of the house, and all the naughty things you do in school. We drink at the same identical pace. We have about the same tolerance level, and we get silly together at the exact same time. We also compete… who can be MORE obnoxious etc once we’ve hit the perfect buzz. We were very popular at frat parties or in bars a few years back. We’ve both settled down a wee bit… but every new years eve we get crazy again.

So all you perverts and casual surfers think of me tomorrow night about 11:45pm having to be picked up off the floor. I intend to party down. Don’t worry I won’t be driving! So you have a safe and Happy New Year too!!!!

My boyfriend was over last week one day and I was having some work done by a designer which he became aware of. (she did a great job on my blog didn’t she?) I don’t share much about the day to day work stuff with my boyfriend, and honestly he doesn’t care a whole lot about advertising, marketing, and web design.

He asked me if I ever write about him, and I said no I really didn’t. He told me that I should. I asked him, “Well honey what should I write”? He said very arrogantly that I should post about what a stud puppet he is.

It’s true I guess… he IS my little stud puppet. I like to put him to work a lot… men are supposed to do a lot of work you know. But the job is always my body. This past Sunday (yesterday) we decided to stay in bed pretty much all day for sex. We don’t see each other much during the week so we have lots of fucking to squeeze into the weekends. Saturday was some holiday thing we had to do, and that means we were not at my place banging that night. We saved it up for Sunday then.

Did you ever try to do that? Just stay in bed all day and fuck? I mean, basically you do have to get up to use the bathroom, and sometimes it’s because there is some cum stuck in your hair etc. You also do need to eat as well because good sex makes you hungry. And of course you must replenish fluids frequently. But the rest of your time is spent on sex. Sure, you do end up red and raw… but do you REALLY mind that? I don’t.

I am proud to share that my stud puppet was able to get his dong stiff 11 times yesterday. We did it predominately in bed, once on the floor. As you can see… it is true he is a stud. Now he can be happy when I tell him I posted about him.